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Part 9: What you feed grows what you starve Dies.

Starting out this post with the statement "As a Veteran Youth Worker here's something I think is important" is hard for me to say because I don't want to appear arrogant.  I sometimes feel with my staff that I fall into the "Back in my day we did it this way" sort of talk.  So, this is a huge disclaimer to say I write this filled with humility and holding onto the grace God has granted me in the 15 years I've been doing this thing called Youth Ministry.

As a Veteran Youth worker and believer over the years I've done a lot of work on this last topic.  Sadly I mostly have learned the hard way that my personal walk with the Lord takes a lot of work.   One of the things about youth ministry in the past is that it was so developed on the personality and gifts of particular leaders that often strong healthy spiritual relationships with God were not as important as jeeps, smiles, good hair and flip flops.

Several years ago I had an experience at a church where I was in conversation with one of my supervisors when he told me that my expectation of how much time I needed to prepare for my weekend talks was unrealistic and unnecessary as "he" was able to do it in much less time.   Now this was a guy I respected but I also disagreed with in many areas of ministry.   Probably important to also mention that this was a church where the senior pastor was a phenomenal teacher who talked for at least 45 minutes and had amazing study notes available to read.  Clearly he spent a large portion of his week preparing sermons.  The message that was sent to me in that conversation was that study and prep (to the level I wanted to do) was just not a "value" in the youth department.

My own spiritual walk has often taken on the look of a field.  Sometimes it lies fallow without much too it but then after a lot of work it tends to bloom only to eventually lie fallow again.  I would be lying if I said I had this whole thing figured out.  I could make a lot of excuses about kids, family, job, marriage and all of that but the reality is I still haven't figured out how to be consistent in most things in my life.  I know when I am near the Lord and out of that closeness and connection comes great talks, good writing and a heart that is compassionate and loving.  I'd like to say that's exactly where I am right now but it's not true.  I think the field is growing which is great but also scary because the pattern says it will eventually be fallow again.

In Youth Ministry it's clear that when we feed particular areas growth happens.  If we're focusing on outreach, camps, retreats, activities then often the group will grow but when those things stop or we do something poorley the group will shrink again.  Conversely when we focus on teaching, theology, relationships, missions/service and spiritual growth we see those things grow. 

Balance is probably an overused word but also something that needs to be consistently brought up.  Depending on who you ask you'll always get a differing opinion on the "purpose" of youth ministry.  None of those reasons are wrong but simply fulfilling the felt needs of students, parents or church leaders only gets you so far and neglects other real needs that they don't know how to express. 

So let's pray that if there are areas on our youth ministry (or lives) that are dying that they are dying because we've made the choice to allow them to die and they are not dying because we've simply forgotten to nurish them.

Part 1: Parents are your best friends or worst enemies.
Part 2: You won't like every kid and every kid won't like you.
Part 3: Perceived vs. Real Needs.
Part 4: Learn to say you are sorry.
Part 5: Better Safe than Sued
Part 6: Find friends outside of youth ministry.

Part 7: Stick to it
Part 8: It's not about you
Part 9: What you feed grows. What you starve Dies.
Part 10: Have a life outside of ministry.  Marriage/family/relationships.
Part 11: Fall in Love with God again.

Facebook is so 2002

Today was a funny day.  I did a lot of Twitter updates which are all linked to my Facebook account.  I was mostly talking about how close we were getting to California on our drive from Texas.  Well out of the blue I had 4 friends from 2002 who either just found me on Facebook or have been my friends for a while e-mail me and tell me they want to hang out this weekend. 

Facebook has become so much of a lifestyle tool for so many of us that a part of me wasn't even shocked by this happening.  As positional networking becomes more and more a norm it'll become even easier to just update "where you are" and have friends close by meet you to hang out.

In 2002 I worked at a camp in California for the first of 4 summers called Forest Home That was a very transformational time for me so I'm pretty glad to get to hang out with friends from those years there. 

I'm pretty stoked right now to be sitting in the back yard of my Mother-In-Law here in San Diego.  It was a long 2 days of driving but totally worth it when we got here and the weather was amazing, the food tasty and I'm meeting up with some friends tonight in Old Town San Diego for Guacamole.

Here's to Pat, Jobo, John and Mike for tracking me down. Looking forward to seeing you all.

Big trip

Today was the first day of our big trip.  I was invited to speak at a camp in California called Forest Home for two sessions at the beginning of July.  Since I have a missions trip I'm helping lead at the end of July it was a bit tough to go into this month knowing I'd be gone a lot. 

We packed the car and started driving to California today.  Driving instead of flying is just easier for a family of 5 plus Danielle and the kids are staying out in Cali while I'm in Romania so renting a car for a month and buying 5 airplane tickets just didn't make sense.

Sitting in a hotel room in Las Cruces, New Mexico.  Just figured out that Las Cruces is almost exactly 1/2 way between Dallas and San Diego.  Today was a long day of driving and tomorrow will be too but it's nice to know that it only takes two days to get home.  (by home I mean the opposite place on either end of this trip)

Part 8: It's not about you

Ok people can we finally admit that the days of the superhero celebrity youth pastor are finally over.  The way ministry was done in the 70's-90's was great and it worked because those were the times that large rally's and "big" celebrity driven youth events were all the rage.  But, those things don't happen anymore and if they do it's usually a specific denominational or event that has withstood the test of time.

Here's the best way I can explain how culturally this shift has happened.  It used to be when I was growing up that when a particular band came out with an album that everyone I knew would go buy it and that's all we would listen to for weeks.  That was back when our only access to music was via radio or stuff we bought.  So big bands became hugely popular and sold a ton of records.  Now days the music industry has been in decline for a long time.  Music is easy to find online, everyone has many different preferences and it seems to be the smaller bands that have specific genres and targeted audiences are doing the bet. 

I connect these two things together simple by saying that as musical genres have exploded and students listen to a ton of different music they are increasingly pulled into smaller and smaller groups.  The superstar youth pastor just can't connect with all the varied tastes and needs of all the students anymore.

So this post is simply about volunteers.  It's been proven time and time again that successful youth ministries are ministries full of volunteers.  I want to go on record and also say that creating a youth ministry that has many volunteers loving and leading students is tough.  It's not an easy task to find volunteers, it's not easy to train them and it's tough to let them do the things that you as the youth pastor used to do all the time.  But, if you want a successful ministry that's not about you you have to move in that direction.

Part 1: Parents are your best friends or worst enemies.
Part 2: You won't like every kid and every kid won't like you.
Part 3: Perceived vs. Real Needs.
Part 4: Learn to say you are sorry.
Part 5: Better Safe than Sued
Part 6: Find friends outside of youth ministry.

Part 7: Stick to it
Part 8: It's not about you
Part 9: What you feed grows. What you starve Dies.
Part 10: Have a life outside of ministry.  Marriage/family/relationships.
Part 11: Fall in Love with God again.

30-Minute Worship on the freeway

I'll get back to the youth ministry posts tomorrow.  I saw a sign on the freeway yesterday somewhere between Austin and Dallas.  The church had a huge sign out front that said 30-minute worship.  I'm still not sure what I think about it.  On one hand I'm saddened that the church seems to be advocating that worship can be shrunk to such a small time frame.  On the other hand I'm thinking that particular church must have figured out that works for their community and they are adapting to meet the needs. 

Part 7: Stick to it

Sometimes I look back on my career in youth ministry and wonder why I've worked at 4 churches. The reality is when I write this post I feel a little guilty because it might seem from my resume that I'm saying something I don't believe in.

I think I can simplify this though by simply explaining my journey and saying that I really have only made one decision to leave a church and go and work elsewhere and that switch didn't work out which made me have to make another one.

My first church Lake Avenue Church gave me an opportunity to intern while I worked full-time as a teacher and went to Fuller Seminary when they asked me to work Full-Time in the youth ministry is was in an interim position where I knew that in a year I would have to find another job. This was a transitional position between the teaching world and the church world.

I served at Bel Air Presbyterian Church for 6 years. This is the church where I grew up as a youth pastor and had some of my best times. I really learned how to be a leader and still consider this to be my home church. The one transition I spoke of earlier was when Danielle and I decided we didn't want to raise our family in Los Angeles and made the decision to leave Bel Air and go to San Diego.

My third church North Coast Calvary Chapel just wasn't a good fit. They knew it and I knew it right away. I was not the person they should have hired. We tried it for just over 2 years and ultimately it was clear that it wasn't the right place for us to do ministry. I love that church, the pastors and the community but it was clear to me that God used me more effectively in the structure of the PCUSA.

The Church I am at now is what I would consider a gift from God. Highland Park Presbyterian Church is a great fit and a place that we see ourselves staying for a long time. I am blessed by my youth staff, the church staff as well as the community. It's a long ways from our family, friends and the beach but so many great opportunities.

So how does "Stick with it" work in my life. It's pretty simple I have several students and families that I have done ministry with for many years. They are mostly all from my church in Los Angeles and I love them, talk to them regularly and visit with them whenever I can. For me "Stick with it" also means that the staff I have worked with at every church are still my friends and we're still doing ministry together just in different locations. "Stick with it" means that I have made the decision that Youth Ministry is what I want to do, it's what I'm called to do and it's what I'm good at doing. It means that every day I wake up wondering how God is going to keep using me to reach students, families, leaders and other churches. It means that as I've gotten older and no longer think "lock-ins" are good ideas that I have transitioned into roles that are different but still important and in youth ministry.

So even though I've had a few places of work I'm still sticking with it. I like to think of it this way. Any student who was ever in any of my youth groups could call me today and could see that I'm still basically doing the same things I've been doing for the last 15 years. I'm still a Youth Guy. I'm still working to make sure all students know that God loves them and that whenever they come back, call, e-mail or text the message stays the same. God loves them and so do I.

Part 1: Parents are your best friends or worst enemies.
Part 2: You won't like every kid and every kid won't like you.
Part 3: Perceived vs. Real Needs.
Part 4: Learn to say you are sorry.
Part 5: Better Safe than Sued
Part 6: Find friends outside of youth ministry.
Part 8: It's not about you
Part 9: What you feed grows. What you starve Dies.
Part 10: Have a life outside of ministry. Marriage/family/relationships.
Part 11: Fall in Love with God again.

Funny Connection

This morning is starting off slow sort of. I dropped off my car to get the AC checked and a tune up before our big drive to California next week. From there I walked over to Cafe Brazil for some coffee. After sitting and working for a while the waitress came up and asked me if I attend the The Village Church because she thought she recognized me from there. We talked about My church for a bit and thought possible she recognizes me just because I come in here a lot.

After a bit though we talked a little more and it turned out she's actually from California and grew up in Covina and attended Biola before moving here to Texas. On another funny note she attended summer camp at Forest Home where I worked for many years.

On a more weird coincidence one of our churches summer interns also waits tables here at Cafe Brazil and Aleise just told me that Kimi is trying to get her to come to the college Bible study on Thursdays.

Funny how God works connections.

Part 6: Find friends outside of youth ministry.

A while back I realized that a majority of the people I hung out with were 16. It wasn't all bad though as they were the guys in my small group and I loved being with them. But, there was a negative side to it as I didn't really have a good core group of guys who helped me grow.

There was a time that I met with Jeff, Tim and Scott almost every Tuesday night. I lived in Los Angeles and would meet Jeff in Glendora and we would meet to hang with Tim and Scott in Redlands. For me it meant a small group night where I was committing to drive about 80 miles each way to be with these guys. Jeff and I met and for about an hour would talk about what was happening in our ministries and our marriages (or his engagement) and then we'd meet up with the guys and rock climb for a while and then go eat. Although the night involved more driving then talking it was important to me because they were guys that knew me well and were my friends.

Youth ministry is sometimes a scary place where we hang out with students all the time and only have relationships with other leaders and people who do the same things as us. I can't even count the number of times I've hung out with my "church youth ministry friends" where we've spent to much time talking about church, youth and ministry and not about real life.

Texas is tough for me because the majority of my friends in the Park Cities are people who work at the church and are involved in youth ministry (Youth, college or young adult). Its something I'm aware of but at the same time scary to realize that as a 38 year old man who just moved to Texas it's hard to find friends outside of what I do.

Working on it.

Part 1: Parents are your best friends or worst enemies.
Part 2: You won't like every kid and every kid won't like you.
Part 3: Perceived vs. Real Needs.
Part 4: Learn to say you are sorry.
Part 5: Better Safe than Sued

Part 5: Better Safe than Sued.

Years ago I used to have my youth staff read the book Better Safe than Sued I should probably restart that practice as I now have a much larger staff. This issue is what I consider one of my bigger peeves in ministry. We've all heard stories about Youth Pastors doing incredibly stupid things with students. I've personally heard/seen students riding on the tops of cars, being drug behind boats, jumping over fire and even having pumpkins thrown down a hill at them Thanks Don

Over the years I have done a ton of fun stuff with students but I've also pretty much always taken the high road when it comes to safety. The Executive Pastor at Bel Air Pres always said about me that he never once questioned if I would make a safe decision with students because I'd proven time and time again that I would always make the right choice when it came to safety.

This doesn't mean we didn't have a ton of fun. We rafted, rock climbed, snowboarded, caved/spelunked and a ton of other great stuff but we always did these activities with the right boundaries and safety measures in place.

I hate to use the age card but I'll use it here. It's usually people who are younger that do a lot of not smart things in youth ministry. My goal with my current youth staff is to help them always make the right decisions. Because.....who wants to get sued?

Part 1. Parents can either be your best friends or worst enemies.
Part 2. You won't like every kid and every kid won't like you.
Part 3. Perceived vs. Real Needs.
Part 4. Learn to Say you are sorry.

Part 4: Learn to say you are sorry.

This last week I met with a group of guys and we talked about pride. The main issue that came up in this conversation was the inability of most men was to admit that they didn't know what they were doing and ask for help. I shared with this group that I have struggled with wanting people to think I had it all together and that my life was figured out. I shared that my first bunch of years in ministry I felt like there was this rule that I had to seem in control with the answers to everything.

In the past couple of years though I feel like I've really had to work through this issue and it's been a great thing. I learned the hard way that being vulnerable is a helpful skill for a pastor to learn. I had a couple situations happen with leaders, students, parents and even family where I had to step up and apologize for the way I had handled things. I had to be vulnerable which was difficult because it made me have to admit I didn't know what I was doing.

As I write this post I'm convicted that I haven't always asked for forgiveness and there are a few situations that I want to go back into and ask for some forgiveness.

Part 1. Parents can either be your best friends or worst enemies.
Part 2. You won't like every kid and every kid won't like you.
Part 3. Perceived vs. Real Needs.